Super-heroes don’t always make super-decisions. We’ve all been there – loneliness can motivate you to make some bad romantic choices. If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, just remember that things could be worse. Some of DC’s greatest characters have done some questionable things with their love lives, so if you’ve ever asked your friends what they see in their partner, then this list is for you!
SUPERGIRL AND LEX LUTHOR
Where Did It Happen: Action Comics #677
How Did It Happen: Keep in mind, the 90’s were a weird time for everyone, including Supergirl and Lex Luthor. Supergirl was a protoplasmic refugee from another dimension, and Lex Luthor was pretending to be his own Australian son – and he had hair! Supergirl became smitten with this dynamic redheaded millionaire, and the two soon became a 90’s power couple.
Why It’s Wrong: Lex Luthor is obviously a supervillain, and Supergirl was the only one who couldn’t tell. Everyone from Superman, Ma and Pa Kent, Lois Lane, and Lana Lang were constantly warning her. Supergirl frustrated everyone by brushing off their concerns and ignoring the red flags. Eventually Supergirl learned that Lex was creating an army of her clones, and angrily left the relationship.
Encore Potential: This is one 90’s revival that won’t be happening anytime soon.
NIGHTWING AND HARLEY QUINN
Where Did It Happen: Batman and Harley Quinn
How Did It Happen: Nightwing was trying to track down Poison Ivy, and believed that Harley had a clue to her whereabouts. Harley agreed to help Nightwing find Ivy, but only if the former Boy Wonder agreed to have a little fun with her. It’s not the interrogation technique Batman had in mind, but it got the job done.
Why It’s Wrong: It’s Nightwing and Harley! Consider this, Dick: you’re kissing the same lips that the Joker has kissed. Look at Batman’s face when he catches them. That’s the face of disappointment.
Encore Potential: Dick has a busy and complicated love life, and he would prefer to forget the Harley hookup ever happened.
DONNA TROY AND TERRY LONG
Where Did It Happen: 1981’s The New Teen Titans #8
How Did It Happen: That’s a very good question that hasn’t been answered. Donna Troy was admired by many of her male teammates, and a few teenage civilians, so why on Earth did she pick a 29 year old divorced college professor?
Why It’s Wrong: Terry was 10 years older than the teenage Donna when they started dating, which wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t been creepy. He would awkwardly flirt with Donna’s female teammates, but only in a “just kidding” way. Plus, his perm was hideous.
Encore Potential: Not happening. Terry is dead, and even if he wasn’t, Donna has better prospects.
JOHN CONSTANTINE AND ABBY ARCANE
Where Did It Happen: 1988’s Swamp Thing #76
How Did It Happen: Have you ever heard someone say, “I wouldn’t sleep with you even if my life depended on it.” This was actually one of those scenarios, albeit multipled by a couple trillion. The balance of the universe needed Swamp Thing and Abby Arcane to produce a child, for reasons too complicated to explain here. Since Swampy doesn’t have organic human parts, he couldn’t impregnate Abby through traditional means. In order to save the world, Swamp Thing was forced to possess John Constantine’s body and use it to get busy with Abby.
Why It’s Wrong: Where to begin? First of all, using John Constantine as a meat-puppet brings a big layer of creepiness into this. Second, Abby despises Constantine with every fiber of her being, which made the encounter as awkward as possible. Even though her husband was in the driver’s seat, he was wearing the face of a man she hated.
Encore Potential: Constantine has indicated that he wouldn’t mind, but good luck convincing Abby.
ALFRED PENNYWORTH AND CATWOMAN
Where Did It Happen: 1944’s Batman #22
How Did It Happen: Catwoman disguised herself as a woman named Belinda, and romanced the servants of Gotham’s richest me. Alfred fell for Belinda hard, and it negatively affected his work at Wayne Manor. They say love makes you stupid, and Alfred took things to the next level by dressing up as Batman to impress Belinda. It wasn’t one of his most dignified moments.
Why It’s Wrong: Alfred is Batman’s closest confidante, and Catwoman is the love of his life. The whole thing is just strange. Alfred also spanked Catwoman at the end of the story, so I’m not sure how they can even look each other in the eye. Maybe the awkwardness surrounding this is the reason why Batman and Catwoman haven’t been able to make things works.
Encore Potential: This brief dalliance happened in 1944, and neither party has mentioned it since. It’s safe to say everyone prefers to pretend it never happened.
HONORABLE MENTION: JIMMY OLSEN AND BRUNA THE GORILLA
Where Did It Happen: Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #98
How Did It Happen: Jimmy Olsen was visiting a movie shoot in the African jungle, where a local gorilla became infatuated with him. Because the gorilla was considered the deity to a local tribe, Superman forced Jimmy to return the gorilla's affections (!!?!?) in order to prevent an international incident. Go on, re-read that sentence. Because that happened.
Why It’s Wrong: Do we really need to tell you? Bruna is a gorilla, and Jimmy is not. Jimmy was clearly not into the relationship, but everyone from Superman to Lucy Lane seemed to be encouraging and enabling it.
Encore Potential: Not if Jimmy can help it!
So don't be like this sextuplet of lovesaps, and please make good choices this Valentine’s Day!