The DC Universe is filled with some of the most dangerous criminals in fiction. There’s the murderous Joker, the scheming Lex Luthor, the mad god Darkseid, and the most dangerous criminal of them all – Kite Man! Some of you might be curious after seeing him in DC Universe’s Harley Quinn, so if you’re looking to educate yourself on Gotham’s most dangerous villain, here’s a rundown on Kite Man’s greatest moments!
I THREW A KITE AT HIM
Kite Man first appeared in Batman #133 (reprinted in Batman Family #3), and while some people may view this story as little more than a joke, it actually proves why Kite Man is so awesome. Check out the above image, wherein Kite Man defeats the Dark Knight...by throwing a kite at him. In the Batman: The Animated Series episode “Almost Got ‘Im,” Killer Croc brags to the other villains that he threw a rock at Batman, but after seeing this panel it’s clear he would’ve been better off throwing a kite. The kite stuns Batman, probably because he’s shocked that anyone had the guts to use such an unorthodox weapon. We think more villains should try throwing kites at Batman. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? Would’ve been awesome if only Henry Cavill had started launching kites at Ben Affleck.
FOUGHT HAWKMAN, HAWKWOMAN, AND ZATANNA
You’ve heard of villains fighting Hawkman and Hawkwoman, but has anyone ever dared to fight the winged duo at the same time as Zatanna? We didn’t think so! Go ahead, show us a comic where Darkseid tries to take on the three at the same time. You know who has – Kite Man. In 1986’s Hawkman #4, Kite Man stole an artifact known as the Golden Eagle, then escaped into the skies. The sky is Hawkman and Hawkwoman territory, but that didn’t stop Kite Man, for the sky is also home to the majestic kite! In the end, Zatanna was able to make Kite Man crash. Was it humiliating? Sure, but consider this – it took three powerful heroes to take down Kite Man. Just imagine the advantage he would’ve had if it was a windy day!
BEAT UP SUPERMAN OFF PANEL
Superman has two weaknesses, Kryptonite and kites. In 1990’s Justice League America #43, Kite Man tells a disbelieving Bug-Eyed Bandit he once beat up Superman. The conversation gets a little heated after the Bug-Eyed Bandit calls Kite Man a liar, and a scuffle ensues. That Bug-Eyed Fool should know better than to trade blows with someone who brought the Last Son of Krypton to his knees. Some of you might think Kite Man is lying and only trying to impress him, but has anybody ever cared about impressing the Bug-Eyed Bandit? We don't think so. The only logical explanation is that the Kite Man vs Superman fight happened, with Kite Man claiming victory. But why was this battle off panel? Probably because of how intense and violent it was. DC's Black Label didn’t exist in 1990, and Kite Man probably gave Superman a beatdown so intense that it wouldn’t have been approved by the Comics Code Authority. In fact, when Superman was killed by Doomsday 2 years later it was probably because he was still weakened from his fight with Kite Man.
GETTING HIS ARM FILLETED
By now you’ve probably surmised that Kite Man is one scary dude, and that other villains fear him. A good example of this can be found in Young Justice #48, in which Meat Cleaver chops Kite Man’s arm into ten pieces. That’s messed up, Meat Cleaver -- he uses that arm to fly kites! Meat Cleaver claims he was just startled, but as Kite Man points out, would a startled person chop an arm into TEN pieces? No, this was a calculated act of desperation from a deeply fearful man. Meat Cleaver probably heard about Kite Man’s battle with Superman, or about the time he threw a kite at Batman’s face. Meat Cleaver didn’t want Kite Man to throw any kites at his face, so he probably reasoned that cutting off his arm was the best way to end the threat of Kite Man once and for all. Thanks to some mad science Kite Man was able to grow his arm back, leaving the rest of the underworld in terror over who would be his next victim.
Kite Man made regular appearances throughout writer Tom King’s run on Batman, giving a new generation of fans a front-row seat for his kite-themed glory. Throughout this run, King gave Kite Man many awesome moments, like getting punched by Batman, getting kicked by Batman, getting beat up by Batman and Catwoman, and getting punched by Batman again. But the crown jewel of Kite Man moments can be seen in Batman #76, when Kite Man takes Scarecrow to his secret base – the Kitequarters! As the name implies, it’s a room full of kites. Lots and lots of kites. How many kites are in the Batcave or the Fortress of Solitude? If you walk through Titans Tower and have the sudden urge to fly a kite, you're SOL, friend. But at the Kitequarters, there are kites everywhere. Pick your favorite. They come in handy if you need to pelt something at Batman’s head. Hell yeah!