Ask Dr. Harley Quinn: What Kind of Pick-Up Lines Should I Use?

Harleen Quinzel

Harleen Quinzel

April 23, 2020


Hey there, puddins! Ever wonder how ta get that crush a’yers ta notice ya? Or how ta get yer folks off yer back? Or how ta make the best breakfast sammich ever?! Harley Quinn here to give you all the AMAZIN’ advice y’been searchin’ for all yer dumbass lives – with the help of my good pals (and the writers of my bestselling comic book) Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti! So go ahead an’ spill all a’ yer troubles in my ongoing Community thread, and maybe I’ll answer YOUR question next in this weekly column. Now let’s see what folks are askin’ this week…




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WOW! I love that you have such a lofty goal an’ hope I’m the inspiration for you to do so.


As you know, getting any degree takes a lot of work and focus and most importantly a great desire. When I wuz a tiny tornado running around the streets of Canarsie, Brooklyn, I wanted to be a number of things when I grew up, some being a racecar driver with a canon mounted on my hood, a hitman that owned a pizza joint, a zoo keeper that only deals with baby animals, an astronaut, and so on. I had a lot of different things lined up for myself, but as I got older I started to become more and more interested in how the human brain works and how people think and develop and what their motivations were for things I couldn’t understand. So, I did some research and spoke to a few people I respected on what I had to do exactly and it involves a lot of schooling and then training and then homework and more homework and so on. So, how you go about it is look into it, investigate and read about the schools available, and then make the jump and see if there is somewhere you can get schooled. I have faith you can do whatever you set yer brain to and get it done. Whatever you do, just don’t take a gig in Arkham Asylum…those characters are a lot of work.






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When Redtool first started hitting on me, he used some of the most ridiculous pick-up lines I ever heard and it just turned me off.


The ones I remember were “Was your mother a beaver, cause…damn! “which Bernie took offense to, then there was “ I hear you were looking for a stud. Well, I’ve got the STD so all I need is you” so as you can see, they can backfire as well.


Now, one or two of them made me laugh, but to me the pick-up lines feel like someone is trying to stay a safe distance from me and not bond. I would much rather be approached with a simple “hello” than a line. What one feels like on the other side of these lines is that it’s not a genuine interaction with a person and you are a part of a process of testing for responses. I think there may be a time or place for them, but they must be brilliant otherwise I always turn the other cheek and move on. I think with good conversation ya can get a person’s sense of humor better based on their responses to things you both may have in common like if someone explodes in front of you, how much you both laugh then throw up. Like that.






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I think I answered this question a few times and my multiple personalities have a different answer each time. I suggest thinking really hard and seeing if you have any form of telepathy- either to move things or make them explode. If this unique power real for you, then go to town on those that have done you wrong, but make sure you film it, because you can make some money off that footage, ya know?


Now, if you do not have that power, what you can do that is legal, is work on making yourself happy and healthy and surround yourself with positive people and live a happy life, because eventually in that process, you will not give a rat’s ass about that person anymore because you are too busy having a great time.


Think about it, happiness is the best form of revenge. As well, so you know, prison food is just terrible and the room service is nonexistent.






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How cool that your teachers care enough to check in on you. Makes one feel special, right? I love any form of attention and getting it from people I actually respect is icing on the cake.

Now, as far as you’re going away party goes, this is not the time to get together, as you know…so you have to be creative. Maybe throw a zoom party where all of you watch my movie at the same time? My hope is we will get past all of this and move on to a new normal, but understand that a lot of people have been making huge sacrifices to keep everyone safe, so my suggestion is do your best, check in with your friends, and plan for future parties and sleepovers, because now is not the time to be dangerous with yours and your friends lives.


Sucks, but we will get past this stuff and come back swinging. Till then, read more of my comics and congrats on your move. New is always exciting!





Note: The opinions expressed by Harley Quinn are published for entertainment purposes only, and are not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified professional for your specific needs or concerns.